{Say}

[thatguy]

Deservedness..

Something that is nearly unheard of today.. In an age of instant gratification, who really deserves anything anymore?? People concerned about the latest gadget or the best girl.. What did they do to deserve all they’ve been given?? Why do they always seem to be dealt a great hand in life, with all everyone can ask for.. What did they ever do to get it?? What great service have they ever done to have it all and to be loved because of it?? Terrible human beings that never work for anything they get. Want it all for themselves, not caring about another‘s wants and needs..

What about guys like me?? I never want what’s good for me.. I’d rather another person be happy instead of me.. Is that such a bad thing?? I avoid the seven sins, I don’t ridicule and condemn anyone for what they’ve done.. Does that make me a bad guy?? I go to church every Sunday, isn’t God supposed to be on the good guy’s side?? I don’t see no tinker tape, or five mile parades saying Thank You.. Just folks that sit and judge me, who ain’t seen what I’ve seen or did what I’ve done..

Didn’t I do my best??

Where did I go wrong?? You look and see all of the selfish, self centered, inconsiderate people that have all they want, not lifting a finger to earn it, with their so called problems, that should be in quotations.. Where did they go right?? I’ve worked for the little I get.. I’ve sat and watch my family tear apart and hate each other.. I sat and watch my father break down after losing a daughter and losing the love of his life turn to his alcohol.. I’ve watched my family turn against my father, for means that were mirroring themselves..

Isn’t there something better?? The ridicule and failure never cease.. Are they wrongs I might have done in life that bad? Do my few wrongs amount so much to their nightly sins that they still get the better hand?? Aren’t you supposed to live clean and caring to receive what is good in life??

Is there any good in life for the decent ones?? Is the more and success for the corrupt and unsuccessful ones?? The fire grows inside, the feeling cannot be denied.. The emptiest inside is growing.. When everything seems great, when everyone seems fake, when noone really knows you..

I’m living for who I am.. Shouldn’t my life be waiting??

The past is in the past.. I did the supposed wrong and got the right.. I ripped off the disguise, I let them know the real me.. The supposed good showed, I wanted to be so much more, and I lost it all.. Everything I did means nothing?? I used to have it all, but did I deserve it?? Only the corrupt and the unwilling get it..

Is the worse yet to come?? So vulnerable and dumb.. How long does this last?? The memories burn like gasoline.. I believe there’s something more, this isn’t what I’ve been waiting for.. Would it really matter I’m gone?? There’s no time for opening up my eyes.. I’ve seen it all before.. This makes no sense.. Just a mirage in an oasis..

It is time for a change.. No longer will I get nothing in return for all.. Mark Johnson gets it all in return for nothing.. Mark is one of them, one of what I was.. No longer am I like that.. Now is the time to cross the line between deserving and destiny.. Nothing matters anymore.. It’s all a brand new day.. I will earn what I should have got coming to me all along.. No more will I sit on the sidelines.. No longer will I be cast aside..

Take all of my wasted honor.. Every little past frustration..

I will get something more.. I will get something good.. I will get..

What I need..

I’m not quite sure why, but the TV says that I’m wrong..

Yet here we are

Even as eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open